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ParentsCanada - April 2015

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Golf lingo: Caddying for a player who has an awful round is called a "safari." 46 .com A P R I L 2 0 1 5 Looking for more parenting humour? Go to ParentsCanada.com/comicrelief APRIL 2015 R5 PASSING THOUGHTS Some not-so-tearful goodbyes for baby gear you can't live without, until you can't live with it. B Y K R I S T I Y O R K With great sadness, we announce that after an unexpected entanglement with an exposed tree root, resulting in an irreparable front axle, our long- serving stroller has gone to the big "Reserved for Expectant Moms" parking space in the sky. It is survived by its primary user, Mom (Dad) and the young passengers who graced its plaid seat cushion over the years. It will also be missed by its cousins Red Wagon, Jogger and Tricycle. In its early years, Stroller was part of a travel system in combination with a matching car seat "bucket". It showed great versatility, serving as a change table, napping spot, time-out chair and feeding seat. Its generously-sized lower storage compartment managed to accommodate a breastfeeding pillow and a diaper bag the size of a life raft. It took corners with NASCAR-like precision, never disrupting a sippy cup from its perch. It waited patiently in the trunk of the family car, ready to unfold into action at a moment's notice. It was a constant companion during visits to zoos, children's museums, grocery stores and live sporting events. Its permanent applesauce stains and sunscreen smears commemorate carefree summer days at the park and splash pad. It was more than just a stroller. It provided a mode of transportation, an exercise option, and the freedom to get out of the house on long, cooped-up days. It shielded its passenger from raindrops during unexpected drizzle, and teardrops on a sibling's first day of school. Its hardworking spirit was evident as it rolled undeterred through snow, slush, puddles, leaves, mud, gravel and other unidentified sidewalk substances we'd rather not dwell on. Goodbye, stroller. It was an honour and a pleasure to push you around. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the stroller manufacturer of your choice, for future advances in product research and development. S t r o l l e r / 2011-2015 O ur family has bid farewell to a treasured friend. Known by many nicknames such as "Soo-soo", "Sucky" and "Passie", it was with mixed emotions that we let Soother go. We were amazed by its resilience as it endured the indignity of being dropped on the ground everywhere we went and getting jammed in the deep crevices of the car seat. In the beginning, we disinfected it diligently, but as time went on, it was lucky if it got blown on or wiped on a sleeve for "cleaning". Mainly, we're grateful that it gave us rare, beautiful moments of peace and contentment (and it helped settle the baby, too). S o o t h e r / 2014-2015 It is with chilled cabbage leaves in our bra cups that we wish our manual breast pump well in its future endeavours. Day in and day out, working together was highly personal and often challenging. Still, it did its job: extracting liquid gold to be shared with a squirming newborn. Against all odds, it showed us that parts of the human body must indeed be made of Spandex. Joining it in retirement are its teammates, the U-shaped pillow and nursing bra. We'll always have our memories – plus the carpal tunnel syndrome. R e t i r e m e n t B r e a s t p u m p I N M E M O R I A M Our Diaper Disposal Unit Looking back on our time together, what words come to mind? Complex. Frustrating. Fang-dangled. You were shaped like a space shuttle, but twice as complicated to operate. We don't miss removing the long, lumpy bags that looked like a well-fed boa constrictor. We don't miss the plastic ring that was inevitably left over after we thought we'd changed the insert properly. We will say this, though: during those sleep-deprived, frazzled times, you were the only one in the house who kept your s#!t together. KRISTI YORK is a freelance writer and mom of two who tends to get overly attached to things. Despite not owning a cell phone, you can follow her on Twitter @KristiYork19. THE BIG to-do

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